i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We are two peas in an std pod
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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