If i come over, it means nothing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
