Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize