FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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