I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If that was your dad, he is hot
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
