You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
