It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
