I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
