i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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