just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no, he came in my armpit
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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