there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
