she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
