Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
