Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

I wanna eat

(562): View more from California

then frost

(562): View more from California

then eat your cupcake

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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(330): View more from Ohio

So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...

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(269): View more from Michigan

No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.

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(727): View more from Florida

If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.

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(512): View more from Texas

Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.

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(512): View more from Texas

My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.

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