Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
