I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
