i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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