Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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