Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
