Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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