TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
