I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
