he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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