Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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