We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
