The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
