awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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