some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
