i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
