I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
