His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
