if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
