i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
