everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
