I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
