something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
