This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize