I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
