He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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