I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
