yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
