can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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