mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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