My brain says no but my pants say off.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize