The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
