Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
