my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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