thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
