I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
