I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
