i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
