so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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