I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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