Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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