It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
