I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
