I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
