I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
