3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
