Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
