I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
