fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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