Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
