i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
