There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
