you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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