WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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