I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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