Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
