If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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