We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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