just tell him i said nine months
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
