Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry lambchop2005 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(347): View more from New York

I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

Fav 14 3118 1316
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(301): View more from Maryland

soooo we both peed the bed last night...

Fav 30 1240 7374
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.

Fav 16 1297 2307
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(678): View more from Georgia

Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?

Fav 10 3122 1154
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

Fav 1 2565 1072
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(971): View more from Oregon

Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster

Fav 2 1067 1468
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(505): View more from New Mexico

If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now

Fav 2 264 441
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(660): View more from Missouri

I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.

Fav 0 25 40
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