But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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