bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
