Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how can u be prego again
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
